Why I Will Not Be A Soccer Mom

Blue Lagoon in Abereiddy Wales

Before I ever entertained the idea of having a baby, I had determined that there were certain things about myself that I would never give up if I were to become a parent. Many of these thoughts occurred as a single person observing people I was determined never to become (often stereotypical or self-described Soccer Moms) and watching how some people changed once they had kids. Some things were tied to a sense of self that I did not want to lose in the process of becoming a mom.

The Basic Bitch of Moms

The stereotype of the “Soccer Mom,” popularized by politicians in the 90s and morphed now into the mom version of the “Basic Bitch,” had always been the paradigm I did not want to follow. What is so bad about the soccer mom, you ask? Well, nothing really, as I return to the concept as a more mature adult, but she is definitely not a badass, not in the classical sense, or selfish enough for my younger self.

I’m not anti-soccer mom by any means. Having just had a baby and been infused with the accompanying hormonal cocktail, I can see why it can be so easy to morph into this child-centric, PG being who really, to be fair, only wants what’s best for their child. Your hormones are just so in control that you can become obsessed with everything about them and think so much less about your own needs. The little buggers really do take over your brain in a way that you cannot imagine.

The thing is I just don’t want someone to ever look at me and think “there’s a soccer mom right there.” I do not want to be a soccer mom stereotype. I do not want a minivan, I do not want a short mom haircut, I do not want to live at Starbucks, and I do not want to wear mom jeans. I think that if I did become a soccer mom, as highly unlikely as that would be, it would mean that I have lost myself in this parenting business and I’m probably not taking enough time to nurture myself. So, how do you avoid the soccer mom moniker?

Think About How To Keep Your Identity Before You Lose It

I’m thankful for my preconceived notions because they allow me to navigate this new reality through the eyes of my biologically unaltered self and think about the person who will emerge on the other side of the trauma that is childbirth (traumatic, at least, in my opinion). It was important to me to keep my own identity, one that is not tied to being a mom, and making a conscious effort to maintain those aspects of life that have always been a part of me while developing the new mom part of me is key to staying true to myself.

Several months into this newborn endeavor, I’m hardly qualified to assess whether I have been successful yet, but I do want to take a minute to give myself a reality check about some aspects of my life that have already become more difficult in an effort to consciously keep them from slipping away.

Don’t Stop Traveling

I have always been an avid traveler, taking off on a whim, often by myself. The experience and knowledge you gain from travel is unmatchable and something I strongly want to provide for my baby. The featured picture above is from my visit to Abereiddy, Wales, from when I was pregnant, but before I knew I was.
 
Reality check: It has been difficult to even leave the house. Primarily, I wanted him to have his first round of vaccines under his belt before bringing him out in the world, but I also found myself being overprotective regarding the summer heat (he was born in May), sun exposure, and a number of other things. The thought of feeding and changing him on the road was pretty daunting as well. I have needed to loosen up or I would decidedly never go anywhere again.

Maintain Your Social Life

I do not want to become one of those people who can never go out and do anything with my friends because I have a baby. I know how it is. You invite people out repeatedly and they can say no only so many times before you give up on them altogether. I don’t want to be one of those people that my friends give up on.
 
Reality check: Breastfeeding puts a damper on how much time I can be out of the house, not to mention the lack of alcohol can make outings pretty lame. I’ve managed to make it out a few times due to the good graces of more-than-willing grandma babysitters, but I end up reaching my time limit when my boobs get rock hard and are ready to explode. Still, I’m powering through on this one. I’ve been out to a few punk shows and dinners within the first two months of having a baby, so I’m doing fairly well. I’m also trying to have things to talk about other than the baby because I know how boring that can be to friends without kids. I was really the worst about not wanting to hear that stuff pre-baby, so I’m pretty obligated to care when I’m around my baby-free friends.

Don’t Slack On Style

This one may be fairly superficial, but I am not one to sit around in sweatpants, I don’t like wearing flats, just heels, and I wear eyeliner every day. I do not want to get lazy with how I present myself because it really does affect how I feel about myself and it helps me stay motivated to achieve my exercise goals.
 
Reality check: My c-section scar continues to limit my wardrobe choices. Even just a pair of jeans rubs against it too much to feel comfortable, so flowy options are better for the foreseeable future. Easy access to the boobs is also a must. I’ve retired most of my maternity clothes, but my closet is not yet fully restored and I have been living in my flipflops when my toes won’t freeze off.
 
So I guess I’m doing okay on a few of my post-baby goals, but I still have a ways to go when it comes to really feeling myself. My c-section scar is getting more manageable as time goes on, and I keep trying to add new layers into my routine as I’m able, and that’s about the best that I can expect myself to accomplish.

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32 Replies to “Why I Will Not Be A Soccer Mom”

  1. Spotted this on twitter. Interesting you’d be thinking about being a scoccer mom with a newborn. I think it’s more relevant at the school gate. As a stay at home dad with kids doing numerous extra curricular activities, I think I have to concede I am a soccer dad! One thing I’ll say though, us ‘soccer dads’ have a worse time of it socially because we never get invited! C’est la vie.

    1. We do really want him to play soccer too (you know, once he’s done being an infant and all)! It’s really the stereotype that I want to rebel against (and think that the negative connotations are so undeserving). I get it so much more now than I did when I was less understanding of parents sans child, and to me, I’m just kind of looking at it as a reminder that I don’t want to lose myself to the day-to-day aspects of parenting, which has already been super tough to do.

  2. It takes a while to get back to who we are, and in many ways I guess we are changed for ever, I felt lost for quite a while, wrapped up in just trying to stay a float with little sleep and feeling overwhelmed yet so in love with this little person I was getting to know. My third birth was a C-section and I found after 6 months it all got easier, obviously now years on, there is really no scar to be seen, it is still there, but so small and a reminder of my amazing body’s strength to heal. #dreamteam

    1. We just hit 7 months, and I agree that around 6 months was when the fog was beginning to lift, but I’m far from finding the new normal. Although we are changed forever, they do make it all worth it in ways we can never imagine. Thanks for the comment!

  3. If ‘Soccer Mom’s’ are like ‘Dance Mom’s’, please never become one. My teen has just made me endure ‘Dance Mom’s’ and it wasn’t pleasant, much shouting and nasty comments being made. Enjoy your little one being little, it is such a lovely time #DreamTeam x

    1. Haha, probably the same thing, different activity. Thanks, we are having fun, and thanks for commenting!

  4. Ah I recognised so much of myself in this! Especially the making sure that I was still going out and not talking about my baby all the time…the going out I think I’m just about achieving, but the not taking about Baby Lighty?! Not so much!! Thanks so much for linking up with #DreamTeam and Merry Twixmas!! 🙂

    1. Good, I’m glad you’re still making it out! That’s slowed a bit for me this month, and I’m getting stir crazy. I have to come back to this post to remind myself what I should be doing. Thanks for commenting!

  5. Great post, thanks for sharing! It’s so easy to become a hermit when you have little ones and are so tired… #DreamTeam
    Brandi with Big Fit Fam recently posted…Fabulous Amazon Friday’s: Fav Christmas Gifts 2016My Profile

    1. Yeah, definitely. Once you actually make it out, you wish you did it more often. 🙂

  6. I have always had those months- esp in the cold- where I have had to force myself to venture into the world.

    #ablogginggoodtime
    kristin mccarthy recently posted…America Joining The World Of WallsMy Profile

  7. Back when I was a first time mum, it was all about the yummy mummy – which I never was of course! I didn’t realise the soccer mum was the one to avoid these days. I am not this one either – I have made a conscious choice to overschedule my kids with extracurricular activities, so they get plenty of time to just be children.
    Your baby is still very young, and it will become easier to hang on to those things once he gets a bit older. x
    #ablogginggoodtime

  8. It can’t be all too easy to lose your sense of self when you become a parent and it is important to try and retain some of your old ways such as travel and seeing friends. But you also have to accept that things have changed and not try to force yourself into doing things just because your pre-baby self would have or you’ll just make yourself miserable. You just need to stay true to the person you are now x
    #Ablogginggoodtime
    Alana – Burnished Chaos recently posted…The Robots Have It In For Me: Meccano Micronoid ReviewMy Profile

  9. Being a parent, whether first or second time, knocks you for six and I think it ticker time to adjust to the new “normal”
    I too didn’t think I would become a soccer mum but as the children have grown and their desires to do soccer/gym/horse riding and other activities have kicked in, by default I’ve also had to introduce myself to the soccer/gym/horse riding mums. I don’t think I’ve changed who I am, but I may have had to compromise for the sake of the children and what they want to do. As a parent I’m still being true to me.
    interesting post
    #global blogging

  10. I found it so hard to keep sight of my old self and I think to some extent that person doesn’t exist anymore. I have swapped some elements out for new ones I have gained. I think we all underestimate how many weeks or months it will take for us to feel”normal” again post birth. Thank you for sharing and linking to #ablogginggoodtime

  11. I think sadly I have failed at all of these 🙂 .. haha! #globalblogging
    One Messy Mama recently posted…Why Men Should Be from Pluto & Not Mars !!My Profile

  12. This is such an interesting read. I agree that I don’t want to lose who i was before but I think I have a bit. I think I’m slowly becoming my own person again, getting out a bit more! I’ve found the friends aspect hard because I don’t want my friends to give up on me but there are times I just simply can’t go and join them and I don’t always have time to initiate text conversations as often as I’d like though I do try! #fortheloveofblog

  13. As much as we want to stay the same I think we all change a little after having a child. I definitley think getting out and seeing friends as often as possible helps with keeping you, you.
    #fortheloveofBLOG

  14. Don’t stop travelling – kids are as much a hassle here as there, so go there because at least you’re having fun, and while they’re little, at least they don’t cost much. #ForhteloveofBlog
    Lydia C. Lee recently posted…“We shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us.” Winston ChurchillMy Profile

    1. Haha, I know. I’m torn between the kids fly free until they are two and all the stuff mentioned on this post. We’re taking a two week trip starting next week, so we haven’t quit, we’ve just slowed down for a bit.

  15. Really interesting post. I have to say I’ve changed since becoming a mum but I have tried to also stay true to myself. I’ve still done lots of travelling and whilst I try to maintain a social life, it’s changed. Thanks for sharing your post on #fortheloveofBLOG
    Ellamentalmama recently posted…Everyone Hates MeMy Profile

  16. Ah the quest to hold on to the self we were before children. You give some good tips here for sure! Those people will always exist – they are out in force – it is easy to spot and always a reminder of who we want to really be but the world of being a soccer mum is really hard not to be drawn into – I find that by having my own interests it really helps to keep the balance! #CoolMumClub
    justsayingmum recently posted…This Social Media World I’m InMy Profile

    1. Yes, and something that I have to keep reminding myself to cultivate. Thanks for commenting!

  17. I love this! I hate the idea of being stuck into a box with a load of other mums – whether it be soccer mum or any other type of mum and I think although we might lose it for a while, it’s so important that we keep our own unique identities. Thanks for linking this up to #coolmumclub xoxo
    Talya recently posted…My healthy carrot rice crispy treat recipe #TubForGrubMy Profile

  18. Having two boys, my biggest concern is always loosing my feminie side. Thankfully I think I’m too girly for this to happen! #stayclassy

  19. I have become much less PG since becoming a mum! I am not sur eon what my idea on a soccer mom is…I do imagine mini vans..we do need to keep our identity, mums are not the only thing we are and should not be. That said I have become more fearful since becoming a mum, I do not travel or go on sporadic trips like I did and I could, go camping etc and need to reclaim that sense of adventure. My sons six now so it is a bit easier. As you say though reality does make it much harder! Thank you for linking to #stayclassymama xx

    1. I agree. I’ve been more fearful too, as have some of my friends. I guess there is more at stake now?

  20. As the term soccer mom is so very American, I’ve never really understood the specifics of the actual personality ‘type’ it refers to but as my buddy John said above, it’s very much a term for mums of school kids, not new mums. No idea if I’m one or not!! 3 kids later the eldest of whom is 12, I still look after myself and have my own interests and my jeans are skinny but I’d imagine with the duties/lifestyle that sets in as they get older, there’s a fair bit of soccer mom in me (even if I don’t get the term lol). Good luck with the parenting gig! #stayclassymama

    1. Ha, well, I’ve seen your blog and I don’t believe you fall into that stereotype anyway. 🙂

  21. My son is 1.5, and I feel like I’m just starting to get my identity back. It’s so hard to remember to live for yourself as well as your child, especially during the first year.
    #Blogstravaganza

    1. Agreed!

  22. I’m two years in and I think I’ve fallen at each of these hurdles at one time or another! Losing your identity is really difficult to come to terms with, I think it’s important to strive towards regaining some of our pre-child self! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza, hope to see you again next week xx

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